Relationships – Emotionally Focused Therapy

“How come we love each so much yet tend to argue, say hurtful things and fight so much?”

“Somehow our relationship has lost its warmth and spark. We just can’t talk to each other anymore.”

“It feels like we’re just two people living under the same roof now. The chemistry and love that brought us together is starting to fade or seems to have fizzled out.”

If any of those statements strike a chord with you then you may well be interested in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples.

Would you like to:-

  • have less conflict in your relationship?
  • feel that you and your partner are more responsive to each other and maintain a loving and caring relationship?
  • learn how to communicate in new ways so that you feel there’s greater connection between you?

Actually you can. All of that becomes possible through Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples. What you’ll discover through EFT is the cycle of your relationship struggles – the pattern of the interactions between you that cause conflict and feelings of isolation.

EFT is relatively new in the UK, but has been successfully applied to all kinds of relationships and different cultures across the world. Married couples, partners living together, same-sex or hetero-sexual, same ethnicity or different culture – all can benefit from EFT if living in a “distressed” relationship –  a situation in which the stresses and strains are so significant that there’s a negative effect on health and well-being.

The EFT process is a collaborative, step-by-step approach that resolves relationship difficulties by helping couples to reconnect with each other and develop a sense of partnership, closeness and trust. Typically couples say they find the structured, measured approach of EFT very different from other forms of counselling they have had; the fact that the change process is goal-focused and explicit, instills hopefulness as each partner begins to understand the cycle or pattern of negative behaviours that has developed between them. The couple are subsequently able to identify the cycle when it starts to recur, intervene before they get caught up in it and so prevent the situations that previously blocked emotional security and caused distressing rifts in their relationship. Learning to communicate authentically ensures that the positive, beneficial effects of EFT are long-lasting.

EFT is based on the science of love and the pioneering work of contemporary psychologists Professor Leslie Greenberg and Dr Sue Johnson. The effectiveness of Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples has been validated over 20 years. Research studies find that 70-75% of couples recover from relationship distress, and approximately 90% rate themselves as significantly improved.

Family benefits of EFT

Hurtful words between partners that frequently bicker and quarrel don’t just hurt the adults who are arguing; they have a damaging effect on children who have to live in the tense atmosphere. Conflict and the silence of isolation that occurs when partners disconnect can be as damaging to children as the break-up of the relationship itself.

The benefits of EFT are far-reaching. Often I hear from couples that the EFT process is not only improving their relationship, but also having a natural, positive effect on their children too. The whole family benefits from feeling settled and reassured.

There’s no cost for an initial consultation, so get in touch and make an appointment to find out how EFT could benefit you and your family.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is defined as ‘a collaborative, structured, usually short-term therapy approach to working with couples, families and individuals that fosters the creation of secure relationship bonds. EFT is a change process that facilitates movement from distress to recovery by transforming negative patterns of interaction into safe emotional connection between intimate partners and family members.

Based on the science of emotions and attachment theory as well as humanistic and systemic theories, EFT has a high success rate in achieving secure, resilient relationships in couples and within families, and in helping people to flexibly manage their emotional experience.’

“The most functional way to regulate difficult emotions in love relationships is to share them”. 

“We are born to need each other. The human brain is wired for close connection with a few irreplaceable others. Accepting your need for this special kind of emotional connection is not a sign of weakness, but maturity and strength.”

Sue Johnson. Author of Hold me Tight - Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love